Still around, not much to talk about.

Odie is ginormous. Boyfriend is still there.

Oh! Got a new camera.

Considering a new vloging venture with my baking buddy.

Dad's been okay. No major episodes. Our biggest problem is keeping him properly hydrated and believe you me, we keep this house stocked with beverages of all sorts, so it's not a lack of liquids. Getting him to drink is the issue. We ask him if there's anything special he would like for us to get him for a beverage and he keeps telling us he's 'fine'.

Anyway. Like I said, there's not much to talk about.

I'm back again!

I would like to take this time and talk about something awesome for the girls out there.

Birchbox.

A couple of months ago, I ran across a beauty blog and in there they were talking about Birchbox, so the nosy nora in me said that we absolutely had to go check this out.

What is Birchbox anyway? Because I'm kind of lazy, I'm going to copy and paste directly from the website:

Birchbox delivers the best products and the best insider secrets, without any fuss. Every month Birchbox members will receive a curated box of luxe beauty samples. Each box will span beauty categories and deliver exciting products that fit into both your day-to-day routine, and into those days when you want to turn up the drama a notch.

It costs $10 a month. It's totally affordable, and you get some pretty awesome samples. Zoya nailpolish, Juice Beauty - Green Apple Peel, Stilla eyeshadow are among some of the awesome sample I've had the opportunity to try.

DO EET.

In other news, it appears that we've hit a plateau with my dad health wise. He does not appear to be getting any worse for the time being. Again, this is pretty common to plateau when it comes to Parkinson's. I hope this lasts for a long time. I am, however, scared shitless for when he will get worse. Taking care of him is hard now, I can't imagine what it will be like when it gets worse.

Also, MY BOSS IS LEAVING ): He got an offer in the same district, just further south. Same company, same job, just a better location. In addition, he and his wife are pregnant again!! So, super duper congrats to them, they more than deserve it.

Speaking of deserving things, I found out a piece of interesting news. But for the full effect, I will give you the back story.

In the months after my 20th birthday, I moved out of my parents home (to a terrible neighborhood I might add). Lots and lots of at home parties later, I met, let's call him "J". J was very charming, very charismatic, the whole nine yards. J apparently liked me. I found this out one night after letting J and another friend crash at my place, and I woke up to J's arm around me. After plenty of drama, and J more or less breaking into my apartment (I promise it's a little less creepy than that sounds), we began dating. I fell very hard for J, and to top it off, he was my first serious boyfriend. After about a year of dating, J cheated and lied to me and then broke up with me. J was a snake in disguise.

We attempted to get back together six months later, only to find that he was still very much the snake I thought he was. He still thought he had me under his thumb. I did, however, have the joy of officially cutting him out of my life during one emotional phone call. (The sound he made when I told him I was done is still my favorite sound to this day).

J and I unfortunately share quite a few friends, and we staffed for the same convention. So it was no surprise to hear about the various bullshit that J put people through. So during January of 2010, a friend of mine came up to me, completely unaware of my history with J, only knowing that we staffed the same convention, proceeds to tell me that someone who staffed this convention, was up to no good.

The no good part was child pornography, and the disturbing part was that J got caught downloading it.

Let it be clear that I feel bad for J's very Roman Catholic family. They are good people, and this, I'm sure is very embarrassing for them. I also feel bad for J's girlfriend, who as far as I am aware of, is still with him. I know that she's getting a lot flak for this and a lot of people are disagree with the choices that she's made in regards to this. While I don't agree with the choices she's made, I am also no longer in a relationship with J (actually, I have had absolutely no contact with him in a very long while), and really, the only person who can make that decsion is J's girlfriend.

J was convicted and is now currently serving an 11 year sentence in a federal prison. Once he is out, he will be on monitored release and required to register as a sex offender.

I do not feel sorry for J. He was the kind of person who did a lot of terrible things to people, but never really got what he deserved. Until now that is.

I once thought J was 'the one'. I dodged that bullet.

Talk about spring cleaning!

I'm going through my drafts and trying to finish up whatever thought process I may have had at the time and posting them!

Springtime!

It's that time again. I know I don't really write a whole lot in this blog. I wish it were different, but at the end of the day, I am tired and more than likely all I feel like doing is staring mindlessly into a computer/TV screen, as terrible as that sounds. There are idea and opinions, but there's no energy. But alas, I will trudge on. Besides, no one(if there's anyone) wants to listen to me whine.

Dad's been doing well for the most part. We've implemented a schedule and as much as he doesn't really like it, Mom and I have found it to be an invaluable tool. Keeping him on a schedule of sorts allows us an opportunity for routine, and when everything is okay, we keep to the routine. And when there's a problem, we fall 'behind' on the schedule. (There is really nothing to be behind on.) It allows us to meet each problem head on and discuss/ problem solve each one as they come up. I've found that I have a better time foreseeing potential problems this way. Dare I say that it's a little less messy this way?

Right now Dad has an ear infection, we just noticed it today, so at some point in the morning, I need to call for an appointment and probably get him on an antibiotic of some sort before this becomes a serious problem.

We're also in the process of renovating the house. We're trying to make it more handicap friendly/lower maintenance. Especially the backyard, that monster. I certainly have my work cut out for me. So far we've replaced the kitchen flooring with vinyl tile that looks like stone, there's a couple of spots where I need to replace the tile because it chipped or I didn't measure quite right, but for the most part I am damn proud of the job I did. Considering that it was the first time I’ve laid down flooring ever.

We've had a contractor in to look at the bathroom to give us an estimate, we're hoping that we'll be able to take out the tube and put in a rolling shower. Mom and I are also waiting for a second contractor to come in for a second estimate, however he's dropped off the face of the planet. Highly unlikely that we will be using him I'm sure.

OH! Yea, we also got a puppy. His name is Odin, but we call him Odie. He's a two and half month old half lab half border collie. He's all black with a little bit of white on his chest. He's also a little shit. But I love him.

Boyfriend is still there. I seriously can't wait for the semester to be done and over with.

I would like to mention that I love my ipod touch.

I also got a new phone. An HTC Evo 4G. My first foray into the Android operating system. I'm still not sure if I am completely in love with it like I was with my ipod. I'll admit to being pretty damn stoked for all the convenience it provides, hello bar code scanner!! Not to mention it feeds into my facebook addiction.

Hello 2:30 am. It's time I say goodbye!

As time goes on....

So I keep forgetting about this, my bad really. Lots o' stuff has been going down! Good stuff though, except for the dishwasher dying which most people respond to that as 'why do you just wash them by hand?'. We are doing that right now, however dishes is my least favorite chore. And when I say least favorite, I mean I'd rather get a root canal with a rusty spork. So I'm trying to coral the siblings and do some money poolin' and getting mom a new dishwasher!

In other news, we've got paperwork so we can apply to have our bathroom redone to make it handicap accessible. We're also trying to get a lift chair for my dad as well as a few other amenities for him.

Speaking of him, dad has been driving us crazy with a capital K. Let me start off by saying this though. I understand that my father is used to being able to do a lot more, and it practically kills him because he simply can't do very much around the house at all. And I know that if he could, he'd change that. But the fact remains is that he can't.

That being said, Dad now has to be involve with every conversation. He tries to provide solutions, and often points out the obvious. (I have dubbed Capt. Obvious in my mind) When my niece spend the weekends with us, he tries to....over-parent her. Now my niece is a great kid. I mean really, she's great kid and if any of my future children turn out like her, I will not complain one bit. She's very well-behaved, an angel, you name it. ( I know it's a whole 'nother story when she's at home, she is very much an almost 10 year old.) When I tell her to go to bed, she goes to bed with absolutely no fuss. Having her over for the weekends is effortless. However my dad is often nitpicking at her (not in a bad way), telling her do things that she's in the process of doing already, or telling her to do things that are unnecessary. Or he's trying to baby her, when she's very capable of doing things.

But that's the tip of the proverbial ice berg.

I'm excited for next month, though. I have a mini vacation coming up and I will be out of town for a weekend (celebrating one year with boyfriend!!). I'm also waiting to hear about a job opportunity that will take me away from home for 7 months.

Later!

Feelings Schmeelings

There are many many days where the dialogue in my head does not match the dialogue that comes out of my mouth. There are days where that's okay, and there are day when it's not.

Caring for someone who is ill, is very emotionally intensive. For both the patient and the caretaker. The patient feels useless, feels like they should be doing more, and the caretaker often feels overwhelmed.

Frustration is a word I often use. I feel it best describes how I feel without having to get into the nitty gritty details. And even more often it isn't enough.

Trapped, I hate to use that word as well. But I do feel trapped. I want to go back to school, I even have a majority of my previous school loan paid off enough in to apply for more financial aid and go back full time if I wanted. Which I do. However, my proverbial plate is only so big and I have to give something up to do so.

I have work, which is full-time, in a place that understands if I have to take off to take care of my father. I've encountered other employers who weren't so understanding. Considering it is my main source of income, and I do have my fair share of bills, I don't feel comfortable with just using loan money to get by.

I have taking care of my father. First and foremost, I am here to take care of my father of my own freewill, if not my sense of responsibility. I see my mother struggling with taking care of him, because that in itself is a full-time job along with the full-time job she has as a lunch lady. My parents don't bring in enough to survive without the income from her job, so she has to work it. My father can, at best, be on his own for a couple of hours before problems set it, real or (for lack of a better word) imaginary.

While I don't have to be the one to take care of my father, neither one of my siblings have come in to pick up any of the slack. When my mother goes bowling, which league only lasts for 7 months at best, one night a week on average, one of my siblings takes my dad for the evening. But that is the extent of it.

I could pick up and leave, go to school and do the things that I've always wanted to do, but the question that remains is this, who is going to help?

That's a good question, I think. And until I have an answer to that, I will remain where I am at. Because I know full well that if something were to happen, I'd blame myself for not being there. And that's a slippery slope that I don't need to go down again.

Here's one for the early am....

Well, here I am folks. 4 am seems to be my natural habitat. I forgot how difficult it is to sleep next to someone during the summer months. Don't get me wrong, I love sleeping next to him, however even with the A/C blasting cold, he's still a human furnace.

Although it's not his fault. I'm not without my own set of sleeping problems. I seem to have a problem with 'shutting off my mind'. I may be physically tired, but my brain just isn't ready to quit yet. It's never one thing either. Be it dad, money, or any other pressing matter. Never mind this sleeplessness always comes at the worst of times....